What We Want

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 00:58:11 GMT

Hmmm... this didnt really work out it seems.

Ive had something close to real life for a while, so I couldnt be online. Anyway: Right now Im in Hong Kong for a school year abroud. Still 9 months to go.

=P That is also the reason why Im missing all the whatsitcalled? ` <- those kinda thingies. =D

Errr... I`ve got ICQ now... if anyone is interested: 469085713

Other than that there`s nothing new..... o.O;; Yap. I`m boring, alright... =P

Haha I`ll search the web for fics now *bounces* It`s been too long!! Way too long...

O___o;;

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 09:31:19 GMT

Haha, so here I thought: Yay, finals are finished, I'll be able to be online more often now!

Hah.

What a big fucking lie. ;__; People want me to go soemwhere all of the freaking time.

*stares at clock* Now I need to watch a friend, to which I'm late anyway, but oh well.. she really wants me to come. And then I need to shake hands with the stupid headmaster for freaking doing my job. Argh. People can be so annoying. Anyways... because they all think they're so very important I now need to go to some sort of feast at the end of the day. And on Saturday and Sunday I'm going to an open air concert (which is for free yay!). And THEN of course from Monday to Friday I'm in Kärnten (that is in Austria... I don't have the financial capacities to move further than from one toe to another) and I won't be able to reach the internet AT ALL.

I'm concluding: I had MORE time to be online BEFORE I finished my finals.

*depressed facefault*

That being said, I'll try not sleeping tonight and I'll reply to messages and generally be HERE for once. ^__^

Finished Oral Exam!

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:36:04 GMT

Wohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Haha.

Finished my oral exam. Yay. Like... I freaked out so much people around me STARED... lol... No, really. I often freak out so much people stare. >__>

I SERIOUSLY want to know what would happen if I told them about the porn stories I read all night... haha... like: Oh yeah, did you know... yesterday I read this AMAZING story in which a bad guy (= Grimmjow) broke into the main character's (= Ichigo's) room and raped the shit out of him. That would at least create an impression.

>___> No really, I've serious issues concerning sexuality. Haha, but what the heck? Who cares! If it makes me happy....

Haha anyways.. I'm not going to reply to that huge amount of comments just yet. (Guys I love you, those comments are the light of my day! .>___> Or rather... night! lol) I've really got the urge to write fanfiction and I need to fullfill that urge NOW. *runs off*

P.s.: I think I might even post it--- gotta start that some day. ^__-

Chad-Ichi

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 21:47:04 GMT

I've been converted.

I now official love Chad-Ichi to pieces.

I never used to and it was the one pairing I thought I'd never like. So here I am loving it, reading it and of course writing it. Ah, yeah I still need to figure out how to post on here.

Anyways... I want to scream and cry. I've just had a HUGE post written and what has to happen OF COURSE? The thing gets deleted because I click on the wrong button. I'm going to scream. ... I need something to cheer me up. I'm going to go read Chad-Ichi. It's the only possible thing that might drag me out of my misery.

I'm easy to please like that. Give me a computer, internet and a page containing fics with Ichigo and someone that tops him and I'm in heaven. That's what I life for, really.

I'm a freak.

Even my teachers think I'm a freak. One of them even said in this really sad voice that he was concerned about me. Tsk. Just because I stayed up all night reading and writing two weeks before my final exam! Okay, did you notice the sarcasm in there? Because I know it's not a 'just'... it's a 'oh my fucking god what the hell do you think you're doing' kind of thing. It's that kind of thing that divides someone who's normal from someone who has an unhealthy obsession. Of course I don't really care about that.

I'm never going to change. Reading is like heroin to me. If you take it away, you'll take my life. Honestly. I'm a porn-junkie... If people on the street knew what I'm up to at night.... I guess they'd stare at me. Haha, I look too unsuspicious. I should really dye my hair orange. Ichigo's ta man, yeah! Follow his lead! Dye, dye, dye!

Orange... I used to hate orange. I used to think; Orange? What the? The thing between red and pink? Don't make me laugh. Now I'm like: Orange, there's orange there??!! Where? I want it! I want it!!! I'm even playing with the orange figures if I play a game with my friends. I'm all orange now. Orange's so cool. If I was a guy my hair'd be orange already. Argh, I wann be a guy. I wannaaaaaaaa... it's much cooler.

Whenever I walk into a clothes store.. guess what happens! I usually look around and when I find something I like... then I know I'm in the guy's section.

It works really well.

I bet even if you let me walk in BLIND I'd find the guy's section. it's instinct. Deeply rooted instinct.

And I don't look boyish at all. I'm THE girl in person. I've got really long hair and I've got... erg... Orihime's breasts.

Don't ask. I don't like them. It's damn annoying when you want to run. And people think you're a slut or something. I still wonder about that. How is breast size associated with sluttiness? I don't see the connection. And it doesn't matter what I wear.

Anyways... so I'm resolutely refusing to follow my well-honed instincts. I'm SO not going to buy guy's clothes. And I'm not a lesbian. I might be bisexual, but I'm definitely not a lesbian. I LOVE the feeling of someone towering over me! ^__^;; It's cool. It's like... uh... being overpowered makes me want to squeal.

Haha...

It's not like I have experience though. I never had a boyfriend and I only kissed twiced in my life. I'm not that sure about the first time... I can't remember if I really DID kiss... how come I forgot about it anyways? Weren't girls supposed to remember those kinda things? haha, well...

And the second time was awful. I remembered all those cool fics I read about tongues being showed down other people's throats (Aka Ichi's) and I tried to kiss the same way but it just DID NOTHING TO ME. It was ABSOLUTELY boring. Boring... really boring... *cries*

Argh... I can't believe it. Fanfiction is better than life. Lol. Next time someone wants to kiss me and I don't like it, I'm so going to stop kissing. I'm going to tell the guy to stop it because I'm asexual and I don't seem to be able to feel the slightest bit of anything at all, except mild discomfort and boredom. No, not disgust, because hey guys... I've read too much fanfiction with really awful content so I'm not going to be deterred by a tongue in my mouth. In my sick mind that's just kiddy stuff.

Oh yeah wanted to read Chad-Ichi... I need that now... *runs off*

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 14:06:25 GMT

Okay so like... I can't seem to get away from Bleach anymore. I've tried. I've failed. -__-

Like... in less than two week's time I've got my finals... as in final finals... the Finals with capital F... but NOO, nooo... Kubo-kun the dolt has to go and ruin it by publishing the absolute BEST chapter of Bleach three weeks before MY finals. It must have been fate.

Anyways... I'm sitting in front of the computer, staring at the screen and refreshing every five seconds, wondering whether the new updates might be up already. Oh, but knowing my luck there ISN'T going to be an update at all. It's going to take two weeks... and I'll refresh every five secs from now till next friday. Jeez. Talk about sad.

I've got to get my head checked. This is not normal. This isn't even an obsession anymore. This is probably plain old addiction. Others need heroin, cigarettes or chocolate. I need bleach.

>__>

Argh, but why does the one thing in life I enjoy have to be so f***** difficult? This is not cute, I tell you. In August I'm even going to Hong Kong so that I might pick up a few Kanji on the way and get an idea of how to read manga... I bet the chinese translators are faster than the english ones. =P

Not that the english translators are bad. They're awfully good in fact. I mean... jeez, who in their right mind dedicates his life to translating manga for people they will never see. For free.

;___; What a depressing way to live.

On the other hand, if I knew Japanese... I'd probably do it too. I mean... there are people out there, waiting to read the thing I love and live for -- why not spread the love?

Argh, I'm decidedly undecided about being nice to others. Some times I can be nice without trouble, other times I'm so stuck up even I notice that something's wrong with me. lol. Oh well, people forgive me. I'm just too emotional to be taken seriously. ^__-

*sighs* What I'm doing here is complete and utter nonesense. Less than two more weeks to learn and I'm sitting in front of my damn computer. Ugh. What would Ichi-kun do? Right. Fight. Fight against the things you fear! Stand up and be irrationally strong simply by believing you are. >__> Haha, I'll try that.

I think... it might work.

It usually does.

When I'm lulled into believing I can learn things, I usually get good grades. So, hurray for the hero's approach! And off I go to study and kill my enemy Mr. Fail-the-Finals...

*grins stupidly and runs off*

Depression!

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 19:50:05 GMT

I've realized I'm not made for this. I don't have a clue how to upload userpics nor do I know how the F*** I should post fanfics... It's troubling me. A lot.

I love reading on LJ and my hand's itching to contribute to the great mess people create here... but I CAN'T. Why? Because I'm stupid! And I don't want to screw up... everyone here's so good at posting... ;__; I don't want to be the sad little punk that can't do it right...

But.

Crying like an idiot won't change a thing. I'll just try it. I did that with fanfiction.net and it worked so why not on LJ where people seem much nicer anyway... Haha anyways... if anyone wants to tell me how to upload userpics, please do so. I seem to be unable to do it. I'm going to try to make chained_fire help me. Yes be afraid, dude. Very afraid! Gyahaha. Erm... right. *runs off to MSN for help*